I fled Domestic/Narcissistic Abuse. Week 8 of 12 at the Shelter. [2023-07-26]

[iSpoogeDaily]

Description

First video update since the day I fled. Talking about what I've been doing, basically back to the 2019 plan. Making a lot less money in the Midwest than back home in San Francisco / Mountain View / Bay Area. Doing work much harder than back home as well, like house demolition and outdoor labor in a harsher climate, for a lower wage. Still kinda living in the shadow of OpenTable's private investigators' nefarious activities as well, can't be too specific about my location or activities. Beside all this I just want a freelance tech gig and I'm working hard to learn marketing and how to produce content to do so.

I got a cloud server a couple days ago, that's going to change my life. Created a new iSpooge Daily forum there on forum(dot)harlanji(dot)com as well as an open section where you can ask me anything with registration on ask(dot)harlanji(dot)com.

Thanks for joining me here and please keep me in your prayers if you can spare a few minutes. God bless.

Video



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGc0u7pHUz4

Transcript

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Hey everyone, welcome to the channel, welcome back and it's good to see you took a

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little break, had to get life stabilized again after I fled from my relative's

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house after the effectively torture escalating to physical violence, which was

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my line, that's the point where I decided to abandon all of my professional work,

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my books, I don't have a lot of stuff, I'm not a very materialistic person, but one

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thing I care about is my work and my career and my education, and so I endured the, what

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do you even call it? I mean, it's really just torture, I was free to leave any time,

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but I chose to stay because leaving meant that I would be abandoning everything I

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own and, well, physical violence was that time when I needed to do that, and so I did and

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found a new situation pretty similar to what I was doing in 2019, where I'm just working

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at time agency, saving a little bit of money that they pay me to do work, that's way too

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demanding for what they pay me, and, oh, just suck it up, I know you got a grand

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parent who did this or that, worked in the coal mines for the family, blah, blah, blah,

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I hear ya. Now, at that time, working in the coal mines for the family meant

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one person could support them, their wife, their kids, etc, on salary.

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Nowadays, working 30 hours a week, 40 hours a week, oh my grandpa worked 60 hours a week,

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awesome, working 60 hours a week might get a person, a shared apartment,

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going off 30% income, working 60 hours a week might make you three grand a month,

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that'll get you one grand a month in rent, good luck, with that raising a family and paying

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a mortgage, and having a car and all this and that, I don't be so negative, I hear ya,

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these are not negative, these are not parasitical views, these are simply hard truths,

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hard conversation that must be had. So, yes, I found a shelter that

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didn't have too intrusive of an application process that let me stay for three months,

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I've been there for two months, which means in one month I am back on the streets if I don't

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set something up. So, I've continued my delusional pursuits allegedly into my tech career,

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where I used to make like 15 grand a month, I must have just lied and we easled my way in there,

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something, no actually I work extremely hard for it, and ya know, engineers and entrepreneurs are

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different breeds of people, and I've kind of been forced from engineer to entrepreneur,

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though I was something of an entrepreneur early in life before I got cozy as an engineer,

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so I'm not uncomfortable with this level of hustle, it does kind of stink being around people

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who are far less evolved, and I don't say that in a derogatory way, it's just when you evolve,

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you go through the layers of Maslow's hierarchy, physical security, love like a gapay,

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and a steam into self-actualization, now that may have been somewhat revised for Maslow's career

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was over, but in general that's a familiar pattern that people recognize, obviously familiar,

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they recognize it. I've got like five gigs free on my laptop, which is decent,

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I've got hosting provider now, as of a couple days ago, I think I've got like 50 or 100 gigs

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I can upload there, so I might be able to do these videos with some regularity, as opposed to just

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having five gigs, nowhere to put it, I don't have a phone right now, I've got Google Voice,

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which is like an old school phone and answering machine, which I was able to get by getting a

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seven-day trial of Mint Mobile, which gave me a number to verify my Google Voice number with.

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Almost a data project, all my projects are basically on pause, I'm still collecting my

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receipts, I was forced to abandon all of my receipts and everything I had scanned up to

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Memorial Day, when I took off from my relative's house, when he escalated to violence,

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part in the airplane, part in any background noise, part in the lighting, part in the audio, please,

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the wind, these things are beyond my control, as are many and most things right now,

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one thing I know is that in one month, I will not be in this shelter anymore,

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I can't count on that fact, so my working situation will get much more difficult right now,

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I show up at the 10th agency at about 530 in the morning, usually I'll have a gig by

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10 or 11, and then a lot of times they'll call me back the next day, next day, next day, so I'll have

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two or three days of work, sometimes four, and you know that feeds me, I still drink the best water

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and eat the best food, that's one thing that I don't feel the need to compromise on is what I put

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into my body, it's effectively the last thing I can control, I still exercise a little bit,

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a lot of my jobs are pretty physically active, you know, not enough to count against doing

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strength training in a gym, but enough to keep me active, get me 10 or 10,000 steps a day at least,

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maybe 15, keep me on my feet for a good six or eight hours, a lot of times lifting stuff,

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sometimes I hurt myself, like I did a demolition job, I was tearing walls of the crowbar,

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and after three days of that, my hands are just like, in a ton of pain and so do I do,

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I stop and I work on my tech stuff, you know, my delusional dream job tech career,

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you know, having a dream job is sort of an oxymoron, a job, a job, a job, a persecution,

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no, it's just what I'm called to do, it's how I cope with feeling worthless, I

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do some tech stuff, and suddenly I'm like, yeah, I'm good at something, I have intrinsic value in

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me, I've worked hard for something. Now, why it's so hard to get any sort of paid opportunity

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doing that, I mean, it's, I have so many theories, but I don't need to dump into them all here,

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just trying to give a quick update, I openedask.harolangei.com, it's a phpbb,

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back to forum, and you can actually post questions without registering, and I created a tech

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development journal on another section in that same forum, forum.harolangei.com, it's where ask.

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harolangei.com redirects to a certain forum within there, so I've got a sub forum for ice

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foods daily, a sub forum for tech development journal, sub forum for ask, carolangei, and one

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for member discussion, if I know you and you register, I recognize your name or whatever,

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I'll approve your registration, you can get on there, you can start topics in the member section,

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similar to the U-Spoog daily, back in the day, pre-reddit, it's basically a subreddit,

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it's not your own subreddit, it's just a subreddit where anyone can start a topic, a forum where

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anyone can start a topic, where the others are limited to myself, I put a write up about getting

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manyo, which is an S3 compatible object store set up in Docker, so just getting the ball rolling

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with articles written to a level of someone proficient in DevOps, I found a pretty sweet,

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so VanLive, I've lived in a car for a couple of years, it's very comfortable,

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et cetera, there are some things that are not great about it, but I found out that

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Prius has the ideal climate control system to do that all the way back to the first generation

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models, and I found a 2005 Prius that's extremely smashed up for a thousand bucks, perfect,

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except I don't have a thousand bucks yet, I am able to save a little bit of money

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from the jobs that I'm working, I can work, maybe four or five days, given my beat up hands,

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I've been working a few days, taking a few days off and recovering, takes a little bit to

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get back up to speed on my tech stuff after like three or four days, so it takes like a

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day to get back up to speed, my first day, you know, second day I start making a little bit of

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progress and third and fourth day, I'm flying, but then I start feeling anxiety, be about money,

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so then I go back to work, so in a way I have kind of like an eight to ten day week split between

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four or five days of paid work, four or five days of tech work, and then I take one rest day every week

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as well, that's a non-negotiable for me. People would say I'm not like any homeless person they

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know, well, in fact, they probably know homeless people like me, they just don't talk about the

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fact that they're homeless, it's wise to not mention it. When I was in high school, there was a

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local hip-hop group, they sing this song that had this line that I always remembered, even when I

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never thought I'd need it, that says, when you go to a play for a job, don't tell them your

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homeless because I promise they won't give it to you. Something, I think it's like one or two words

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off from that and I always miss remember at one or two words off when I look it up, but yeah,

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there's that line and that's atmosphere out of Minneapolis and then there's another

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perhaps more relevant line that I always remembered for some reason from the song called

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Android by Green Day, who's Oakland, California-based band that goes hailed man and woman choose,

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I wonder if he knows they think he's crazy. When he was young, did he have dreams of

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growing up and wearing woman choose and be in crazy or something like that? I know that's a little

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bit wrong towards the end. But yeah, did I have dreams of growing up and wearing woman choose and

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having people think that I'm crazy? Absolutely not. And have I worn woman choose? I think I've worn

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some women's leather slip-ons that are pretty androgynous, like I don't think anyone ever,

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maybe they were women's shoes, but they were the nicest shoes I had when I went to,

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I take that back, you know, I had some dress shoes, but they were my regular shoes that I wore

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around a lot and sometimes did some moving jobs in them. If I didn't expect to work and wore them

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and forgot my regular moving shoes or something like that, this sawed way back pre-pandemic like

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2019 or so, I became homeless in 2018. This feels like one of the most dense videos I've ever done

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at under 15 minutes a half and go for like an hour. It's nice out here. I haven't talked in a while,

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so yeah, I had much rather, so I'm stuck in the Midwest right now. I'd much rather go back to the

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Bay Area where my labor jobs paid 20 or 22 an hour. These jobs pay 14 to 16 an hour. So that's really

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rough, part of the airplane. So what I have to work with, so to get there with the car would

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probably be about $350 in gas to register a car that's the registration is lapsed probably

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200 bucks to ensure it probably 200 bucks for the first two months of him like 60 a month after

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and then what else. So this is assuming that there's already a car that I can drive. I can go

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there register it, get it all ready to drive. That would be totally fine. So you know it's still

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going to be a good $5 or $600, especially if I want to have a couple weeks of food on the

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other end. You know I'm probably going to want at least like a grand to my name before I do that.

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I know there is I don't want to be too detailed because the thing is like my former employer who

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is spent a ton of money making legal complaints against me and just smearing me every way they can

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has actually sent private investigators to my workplace. I'm not sure all the means they've actually

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used to mess with me with private investigators. This was open table. I don't know all the means

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they've used to mess with me and so I'm like trying to be super vague about all the details but

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saying that I'm out of the shelter in a month. I mean that sets them up to where they can know

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that in a month they can go hard at me again and just picture living. Don't even picture

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living in that situation. Just know that that's my reality. It may be that you know they feel

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I'm effectively neutralized but you know they've committed crimes against me. Who's statute of

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limitations have not passed and so if I were to somehow attain legal resources and file a complaint

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against them they would be in deep crap. Part of my language I know even crap is a really

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bad word for me these days. Even frickin' feels pretty bad for me these days because it's like

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how would you know there's actually kids running around I'm at a park right now so how would a

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parent feel if their kid heard one of those words? You know most parents are very permissive and they

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wouldn't you know but if how would I feel if I heard somebody saying things like that outside

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with my kids around I'd feel not good about it so that's how one must operate so

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I'm going to try to keep this video under 20 minutes to keep it in the short category and also just

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be mindful of all of your time. I never monetize my videos and never will so it's not ever going

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to be like a paid by minutes you know watch the ads kind of thing it's not like that at all like

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I'm never trying to milk minutes I know I know I can ramble and go long and go off on tangents a

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lot seem like I'm not focused etc. You know I think a lot about a lot about that is just

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living in a super unstable living situation. I feel ironically in a and homeless shelter way more

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stable than I felt staying with my relative and probably less stable than I felt staying in my

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car staying in my car I think I felt at least as stable as I felt in my last apartment in 2018 or

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I was paying like 1850 a month and I left my last tech job in 2017 thanksgiving and I was in that

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apartment till June of the following year so nine months and it was totally fine but still

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did not have the type of security that I would want to have in a living situation but when I

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lived in my car I was totally secure so getting back to that sort of situation in the bay area where

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I don't have to worry about the climate like I do in most other parts of the country where it gets

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extremely cold or extremely hot like today it's 95 degrees like I'm really good about keeping

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myself busy all day and not you know not hanging out in the car not camping out in parking lots or

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whatever making it hard for van life or car life or whatever to exist so that's the situation I'm

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trying to get back in and the way I'm trying to get back there is literally just splitting my time

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between working template and doing things to try to find a freelance client because once I find a freelance

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client then my life has changed like all my problems go away after like one week of freelancing

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at my normal rates but this like 15 $18 an hour thing is not cutting it but you know that said

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if I got an opportunity to do tech work for like 15 dollars an hour I had probably jump at it especially

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for stable so anyway that's what I'm selling no I don't know but it's just I'm always looking for a

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good opportunity and trying not to share too much but that's where I can share right now so

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thanks for joining and until next time



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