HarlanJI Forum

Pretty boring one, just reiterate that I know I should be checking my emails and feeling more grateful for what I do have. Had some things happen that showed me how easily things could go south. I'm hanging on be a thread. Focused too much on the next milestone, having my bills paid and money in my hand, rather than making the most of what I have each day.

Video



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEnAzWUYE2g

Transcript

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Yo and welcome to the Ice Boog Daily Channel. It is a Thursday and it's definitely

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earlier than usual. I'm at the park and I might actually do laundry today. I

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got it all packed up into a nice big bag. It's been probably four to six weeks

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since I did laundry last. I think I did it as I was running out of money

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before I got this job where I've been for, you know, two months. It's gonna say

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two paychecks about a month, a month and a half. Anyway, so yeah I got a little

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poke from the universe saying yo, you're not being grateful and you have a lot

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and it could be taken away very easily. You know, it's, I'm not gonna give

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details if I had, you know, close friends or whatever. This is the kind of thing

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I might talk to my close friends about, you know, in detail, but, you know,

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vaguely enough happened to show me just confirmation that yeah. I try to

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throw a little gratitude in when I talked about how beautiful the park is the

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other day like whenever I come to make dinner at the park. Like, see I just parked

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here. See, I got called out of work early. I don't know if I said that. I just

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because it was extremely slow and, you know, there's another guy who can run the

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dishwasher and everything and I think I have a lot more hours than him. So, you know, he

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got to stay. No hard feelings. The money is always helpful, but, you know, like I said,

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I've got, I think I have more hours than him. I've got almost full time hours, so that's super

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good. And, yeah, so some of the things that came up where I was showing that I'm not

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grateful enough, could cost money. And it's going to be money that I would have spent

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doing that anyway. Only maybe more. I wish, yeah, I could be more concrete if I wanted to,

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but I don't. So, yeah, we'll see how that goes. Maybe I'll talk about it when it's all done.

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Why don't I just do laundry right now instead of recording this video? I just feel like

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it's in meter recorded now. And also, it's way too hot out to vacuum. If I were to vacuum

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at the same time as I do laundry, which I usually do. So, we'll see, we'll see. I'm still

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at the point where it feels like doing laundry is going to break the bank. Like I said,

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probably my third paycheck will be where I can call myself not homeless anymore. So, it's

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still going to be a little while yet until the next paycheck. So, I'm still being pretty

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tight with the money. Even though I know that, you know, so I've got the three bills to

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pay that I mentioned, storage, gym, and car insurance that are kind of big. And one of

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these things could have been a big bill. Another one is I've been wanting to wash my car

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for a long time. And that's, you know, if I get the deluxe, whatever brushless wash, it's

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something like $9, $12. It's not a huge deal. And then, like this morning, I was thinking

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maybe I'd try to save money by not going to Starbucks. Cause I did let myself rest in. I woke

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up at the normal time, but I just rested in the spot until after the sun came up, which I

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shouldn't be getting too comfortable. That's not a good thing to do. So, I actually already

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have my alarm set for tomorrow. I'm going to get back into the, you know, just ridiculously

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early first customer at Starbucks level early. I've been going in closer to seven lately,

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which still gives me two hours before work. But I've been more so, like I wake up early,

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but I don't leave the camping spot until about sunrise when it starts warming things up.

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And I prefer to drive with sunlight anyway. But might make sense to just go back to the

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super early morning, maximize time at Starbucks in the morning routine. And see, I getting

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called out of work early was kind of, I was kind of hoping I would for an unrelated reason,

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one of the things that happened. But I think I could use the time to actually go and try

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to talk with the union people for my last job, face to face. I mean, I left that job in February.

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It feels like it's been a long time, but really it's only been two months, which is a long

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time, but, you know, it's kind of messed up the way that like nobody cared. I just left

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nobody from the union called me or anything. And so, I just want to straighten that out and

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see what they're going to say in reference checks or whatever. Because it was not fair, it was definitely

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a, like I don't want to say anything disparaging about the workplace, but I have a pretty strong feeling

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that what they say in a reference check is not going to match the reality and it's going to

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make me sound extremely bad, narcissistic, abuse kind of smear campaign, anything. I've long said

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that reference checks are official smear campaigns. So, yeah, how can I be more grateful?

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Like one thing I know, I'm doing that's wrong, is not responding to the emails, not checking

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the emails. Like, that's been sitting for weeks now, and I've just kind of like, you know,

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people have even, like, given bedmows, and I've just not, not transferred the money, not acknowledged,

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nothing like that. I'm just like, I feel like I'm on the home stretch, and I don't want to be,

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I don't want my mental peace, I've ended too much from whatever I might find in the emails.

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Because I know it's going to be like, this account is suspended. That account is suspended. This

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is past you. This is blood, you know, because, like, notices I get when I don't, when my storage

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auto pay fails or whatever. And I just still don't feel secure enough to try to build a new routine.

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What I'm really doing by not responding to emails is just straight up wasting time.

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Like, every day, it costs money to eat, it costs money to go to Starbucks and use the internet,

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it costs money for gas. So say that's 10 or 12 bucks per day. So every $25 of donations that I get,

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that's two days. So every two days that I spend, that's burning $25 of donations in a sense.

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Now, God provides, God will bring everything, you know, balance all the accounts.

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So I shouldn't be thinking that way, and that's like the way that I'm finding myself falling

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into scarcity. Like, I've got money to do the laundry. I'm not doing the laundry. Like,

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even if it means, you know, that money could go to food or whatever. Like,

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it's, it's not necessarily either or, like, what I was finding is when I did what I was supposed

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to do and spent the money I didn't want to spend, I'd go back online and I'd find donations in there.

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This was, you know, between jobs, basically, as I was waiting for my first paycheck.

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And now we got the noise of a car sitting nearby. Should I close the windows, guys? No.

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I don't think it's a homeless person, but in addition to just the noise, there's also the heat.

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You know, it's a hot day. I'm in a shady spot. Now, there's this car with the big engine

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idling. It's probably at least a V6, just idling there. So I'm, it's creating a little heat

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island around it. You know, and well, now they're leaving. So I guess they just pulled in for a second.

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But, you know, in, okay, so going back to, like, okay, what happens when I'm not homeless. Now,

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I'm going to have some enough money to do things that come up, like, you know, keep the gas tank

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full. So I don't have as much anxiety moving around. I did put another half tank in today, five gallons.

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So that's really nice. I think officially the cars 13 gallons, but it's like 10 gallons to empty or

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something. But anyway, I put in five gallons because I was running on empty again.

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Um, you know, like, I'm always thankful for the food, the water.

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But I quickly lose gratitude for

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employment. Now, is that right or wrong? Is the employment really my life path or not?

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I don't think so, but I feel really good just funding my own projects

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rather than taking money to do it for whatever reason.

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I guess I know my accountability to myself is on point. But as soon as I started having to explain,

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things to people, it starts turning into the circular dependency thing that I talked about with urban

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camping pro where I was giving the example of, oh, I don't you shower in the creek. Oh, you know,

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gym membership saves a few hours. Why don't you apply to more jobs? You need more time. Well,

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maybe paying money for a gym membership to shower in and save a few dollars.

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I spend a few dollars, save a few hours, which lets you do more constructive activity like

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applying for jobs is worth it. Like you're buying time with money.

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So yeah, it's like something weird that happened today. Was I went into the bathroom at the

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library? And there were three homeless people. Like there was one guy breathing real loud when I got

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there. And like half hour, 45 minutes later, I went back in. He was still in that stall doing the same

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breathing. The other stall was occupied. I couldn't quite tell. I tried to go in and someone

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like said something, which I couldn't understand. And then finally, there was some guy just standing

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there in the mirror. And like the whole time I went in, I locked past him. I went to the bathroom.

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I washed my hands. I was about to leave you. It's just like standing there in the mirror.

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The other day, there was a guy just standing there at the stall with the cigarette hanging out of his

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mouth. Like it's like these zombies just hanging three of them hanging out in the men's room.

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That has three toilets and two sinks. Like what? And then I'm noticing there's now like

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inflatable mattresses and stuff set up around the bathroom at the park. Just wild people just

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and when I was first starting my job to, I didn't have quite enough money to get to the showers.

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I went to a bathroom at a park in the middle of the city. And this is a park in the middle of the

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city too, but like another park like right in downtown. This is like a few blocks from downtown.

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Past a few blocks of residential. But anyway, I would in there and someone was literally in the stall

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smoking the whole time I was in there. So I was like, ridding myself, you know, I had my little

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part of kit with my towel and soap. So I got to soap my face at least, you know, in the public bathroom

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and use a towel to dry myself off. But you know, so I went into one of my first days of work

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smelling like cigarette smoke because someone was just smoking in the public bathroom.

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Like, come on. So gratitude. I mean, and one more thing to complain about. So yeah,

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now when I make dinner, the bugs are coming out and starting. They're not really biting me. They're

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just lingering and being annoying. So I'm justifying my not having gratitude by having to like be

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around all these like zombies and bugs and stuff these parasites. But, you know, it keeps me from getting

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comfortable.

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I got to figure out some day schedules that I can work with now.

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If I were to tint the car windows here and hang out here, I think it would be fine. We got the heat

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factor because we're straight in the sun. So it only worked for certain times a day.

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But yeah, like part of urban camping pro that I want to actually do is have things like a workbook.

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So you could like set up day schedules for yourself. Like, these are the places you can be at these

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times and it gives you these amenities. Like, right now, I think the solar is pulling like eight watts.

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It's actually pulling zero now because the sun is moved and I guess we've gotten into shade.

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But it is quite bright and hot. So if I were to pull the solar, you can see it's in the back window.

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Right there. If I were to pull it out of the back window, it actually put it on the roof.

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I think we'd be getting a few more watts. So my hair's not quite long enough to stay up there.

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Almost. But this is a sila used during the summer, but I can just shave off the sides. Keep it short.

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So yeah, we are at 17 minutes. That was a little bit smoother than, yeah,

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smoother than off. What have we talked about? I've just expressed that I know I need to have

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more gratitude. I know I need to check my emails. I'm doing things. Basically, I've been

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convicted personally by my creator. And I know that it's wrong and I need to

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just listen to my intuition more really. Like, thought that hard to just check the email.

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It is but it isn't. There's so much momentum against

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not against checking it now that actually doing it is going to be like, if I were to respond

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to when I'd be like, hey, sorry, it took like two weeks to respond to the email. But if there were

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people like offering, because I've been advertising myself for as a freelancer, like,

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there are people who wanted to work together. It could be like, hey, you sent me this email

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two or three weeks ago and I haven't been checking my emails because I'm ungrateful and stubborn.

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I feel entitled because I'm in a period of transition and I feel overwhelmed. Like, what do I

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actually say? You know, you don't want to talk like that, but just be vague and say I've been

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busy. That would be fine. Yeah, I'm not trying to give myself a pass by acknowledging it, but

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sort of like in a 12 step program or whatever, like, I acknowledge that I have a problem.

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I have a problem not checking my emails. Personally, I feel like it'll be temporary and it'll be

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alleviated when I'm no longer homeless, which I define homeless as not having certain choices.

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Like, when I can decide that I want to check into a motel,

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and I won't destroy my budget, then I'm not homeless. You know, or I degree less homeless or something.

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Anyway, going on the 20 minute mark, hopefully you got something out of this one,

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I do appreciate all the help that came in that period of deep need and I'm really looking forward

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to growing and appreciating what's been given and doing great things with this brand.

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And, you know, I want to work with creators more than be a creator, so if you are one,

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reach out and thanks, look forward to seeing you next time. Bye.



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