Memo: "I'm laying in the back of my car thinking about what happened to all my friends..."

[iSpoogeDaily]

Here's the auto generated transcript for a little half hour monologue I recorded at 1am in the back of my car.

Who wants to feed it to AI and see if it can edit it into a concise letter to my old friends?

WEBVTT

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I'm laying in the back of my car thinking about what happened to all my friends and I think

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a lot of them just dropped off, and I started sending emails, I'm making calls in 2016 to

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18, telling what was going on, et cetera, maybe two intimate for our friendship at

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the time, I didn't have that tool at the time, I think about levels of intimacy, I just

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thought friend, my friends would be there to support me for stuff that went down

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and it did, and 99% of them, to 99.9%, just were not my friends there, I might have kept

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trying, which might have made a worse, push them away further, yeah, so would I do

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to show that I'm not mentally all-north addicted, I think about that, add from YouTube that

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said 80% of homeless people suffer from mental illness or addiction, so 20% suffer from

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neither according to that ad, and I view myself is in that group, it's a pretty big group,

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and some could say, everyone suffers from addiction, everyone suffers from health illness,

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and that might be true, so I was thinking about it, how do they define those things,

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and so okay, just within normal range or above normal range, we could say, so okay, not suffering

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from, mostly, is worth suffering from, like a drink coffee every day, and I can't stop,

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does that mean I'm addicted, well it's not for the reason you think, the reason isn't for

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the coffee itself, it's for the space that I get when I buy the coffee to sit down, and use

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my computer, and I stay way too long, like three hours, not a cup of coffee, four hours,

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five hours, the staff are not friendly, they're tolerant, but not friendly, I notice it does

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something to my mind, said I'm sure, but it's, you know, the same level as the people

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who stopped responding to me, but I just don't want anything to do with it, and it's

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understandable, but, you know, I want to put that whole, it's better to give them to receive

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things, obviously, that's not internalized for these people, because if you'll, what

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I'm going to ask them for something, okay, and I'm not going to reciprocate, I mean whatever

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they think, it's on them, but, like, some, one of the premise of why I started recording

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is, okay, so I instead of just sending off the stream of consciousness emails, hey, sit

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here and edit any email, so it's perfect, I don't have those tools right now, I'm in a back

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of a car, like, between sentences, listing for people to walk by, because they walk by very

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frequently and randomly, and you don't want to be making noise when they walk by and weird them

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out, and just go park somewhere where people don't walk by, sounds good in theory, flies,

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give me an option, and it's probably not viable. There's not a lot of places where you can

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just stop and sit in your car, if you haven't noticed, why see people do it all the time,

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not like I do with a computer plopped up on the steering wheel with a screen blurring on my face,

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they might be like looking down at the phone, and you can assume they're just there for a

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couple of minutes, me, I'm, like, obviously set up with a laptop, and I have to be, you can't

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do anything less to develop. Oh, we're talking about editing emails here, that might be

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a fair point. Now I don't have mobile service, I'd have to do it somewhere next to a place of

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Wi-Fi, or where you can write it offline and send it online in theory. So I'm like you just don't want

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to help yourself. This is crushingly stressful thinking about how are you wrong?

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Where can I pull over and edit the, you know, on a non-laptop, so they don't have a non-laptop?

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Yeah, if I had a non-laptop, maybe I could pull over and edit an email. So I need a new battery for my phone.

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I'm then I can edit an email on a phone, so that might be a problem. Everyone knows that phones

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are okay for writing, and I could for editing. So when I've had screen as bright as a laptop,

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at least I'm looking down and not at a laptop, a little bit less weird. Just show people that it's

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a little bit less powerful in some ways than a laptop. Oh yeah, so I write or dictate this out,

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and then how do we turn it into an email that's concise as points?

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No is of a normal format. Oh we sit down and edit it as though we wrote it,

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because the ones that I wrote were probably a lot like a spoke. I was assuming edit them.

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So now I need to turn this into an email by stopping somewhere and editing it with a laptop.

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So back to that question, where it's like one AM, whatever it is, what's on with your

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talk and where you are, where you are, that sounds so practical and logical.

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So I can speak sentences, but yeah, between sentences, there's no getting in the zone for 15 minutes

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for one. Well you don't need to get in the zone for the email, maybe you do. This kind of email, maybe you do.

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So kind of like linking like maybe a bike is coming.

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See once, like once you cook a spot, you're not going to be able to use it anymore, at least for a while,

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like a year or a semester. And it's not easy to find a spot in a small town. That's this good.

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It's like, oh, who cares if you go to a parking lot and security asks you to leave?

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You just don't want to get into those, because then there's a paper trail who knows who's

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security gossip's to. If they put you on a watch list, etc, who's subscribed to that watch list,

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now there's somebody outside. So, might be a delivery truck or something like that.

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Right, see I can't even stay on topic with my sentences, because there's just all kinds of stuff going on,

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even though it's 1am in the back of a car. It's like, so I just have to be so sensitive.

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Like, yeah, I could just disregard everything, but I went last very long out here.

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Reason I've lasted so long and done so well out here is because I have this sensibility to me.

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I very easily understand limits of things and don't violate them. I stay below the radar.

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Oh, ask AI to edit it for me, maybe.

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One of my old bosses is down with AI so I could be like, hey, what happens if you put this voice

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memo into AI, the transcript, can I write an email by friends discussing what I was talking about here?

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Maybe include the original transcript in case things are unclear.

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I want this to work. I want to get out of here. I want to be able to communicate with people.

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I don't like calling myself home unless it's not fun.

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It's never been fun. It's never been a vacation.

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I don't think people think that, but I also know that they don't understand the gravity of this situation.

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And they don't understand why I'm not doing more. I cannot do more.

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I'm capped at a certain level of productivity if I can do endless writing, but no editing.

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If people not accept written work, only edited work, then people not accept anything.

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I say for a very long time because I do not have the space to sit down and edit things.

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And I don't blame people for thinking what they think or having standards.

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I wish that a relationship could cause them to overlook or rethink those standards in some context like

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your homeless friend needs help. He's sending you emails, perhaps, manically.

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Normally, that would indicate something with the skies literally living in the back of a car or

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in a domestic violence situation. And he's telling me, and I'll just click delete

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Okay, that's your right. But it's not mental illness, or addiction. It's literally just

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okay, I've got one day to raise $150. I've got no work prospects.

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So you just want to ask for money. Well, notice the time window of I have one day to come up with $150.

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So every month we have bills. So like once a month I might get in the situation.

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So the odds of it are 1 in 30 or maybe 1 in 15 if it's ever two weeks on average of bill comes.

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But it's like they might be like, okay, well I just had a kid and we'll just let the baby cry it out.

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Once the baby can form, say what it wants and we'll give it to it. But until then we'll just let it cry.

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Well, that works in the context of a baby with parents that grows in capability.

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I'm out here on the street with nothing because my parents didn't do their job.

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And my capabilities are shrinking. So I send a manic email one day the next day I have less

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capability. So it's going to be better in quality the next day. Well that's why you just try harder,

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try hardest in the beginning. I'm trying hardest in the beginning. I talked about the

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challenges to finding somewhere to edit. Good, the library. Yep, three days a week it's closed.

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Sunday Monday one stay. It opens at 9 a.m. I'm up at 435 out of here 536.

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So from 6 in the morning I have to find somewhere to be. Go to the gym, take a shower, work out.

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Maybe. Go to a Starbucks for a few hours. 9 a.m. 10 a.m. the library opens.

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Welcome as well worn out. Don't want to be the first since the library can kind of start

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up until 11 to have already spent four or five hours there. Welcome well worn out. People

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very not friendly to me. Customers stare at me. I'm probably there day after day after day and

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they're starting to notice. Nobody's like how could I help you. They're just like how could I get rid of you.

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Dealing with the management at work. You know, they start sensing my homeless best trading me.

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Oh, why would they mistreat you because your home was forced me to leave?

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My mom and brother used to tell me about people doing it to them and I doubted them and said,

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I'll just just this or that, you know, the exact response people would give to me now.

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See, I could have helped my mom and brother. But I was like everybody is to me now.

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And I'm so terrible for that, but they're not so terrible for this. Oh, we're talking about your

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mom and brother here, not some friend. Weasels chosen family.

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People used to call me brother. They won't help me.

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Yeah. I gave all my time. I'm not my real brother. He's now passed. Oh, see you're just looking

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for pity. My mom is past. Oh, you're just looking for pity.

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Oh, both suspiciously passed.

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And yeah, I think at least one of them was murdered if not both.

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Well, it does sound like you're mentally ill, buddy. And if you knew my dad,

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you would think he's the best guy ever. So helpful, loving generous.

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Such a big community of people all this and that.

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And if you listen to him, he'll talk about how, you know, I'm I'm so terrible in this

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if they have to be able to believe because he's such a good guy. And yeah, I can't even write an email.

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Well, it sure has been while nobody's logged by. So sounds like you can sit down and edit

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their body.

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Walk. Thank you.

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It does sound like that.

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Yeah, and again, and as well, who's going to read an email this long? Or listen to it this,

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you know, recording this long and pay full attention. So the points are if 80% of almost people,

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whatever that means, suffer from mental illness or addiction, and that implies 20%

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suffering from neither mental illness nor addiction, which is cool.

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Now, there's writing and editing, and I can write, but I need space to get in this own to edit.

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Probably not on a phone. Maybe on an iPad if I had one, I do have a laptop.

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There's limited spots. You can pull over and use the laptop.

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And I'm writing this now, not editing it from a sleeping spot on the side of the road in the middle

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of the night. Or if I were to turn on a bright screen, it would be a problem. I'm talking to a little

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voice memo to place. And, you know, I sent manic emails to people. They might have

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maybe think I was mentally ill, made them think I'm mentally ill. But, contextually, I was homeless

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and losing resources. You know, background, roar of dress. I've not used that word in the email,

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but I'm using it in the summary. And, you know, people being dishonest to get rid of me

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because of their perceptions of me, it doesn't help. So, yeah, I'm out here deteriorating.

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And now a person might be walking by. And now a person may be walking by. We'll see if it picks up

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that whisper transcription. See, now I'm interrupting the summary, breaking the flow.

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So, I should recover it.

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This will make my mind stronger and be stronger and better in the end.

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But, I'm sitting here, I need a bill. To be paid, I need my storage,

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and my gem bills to be paid. Tomorrow, or I can't take showers, I need more.

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Oh, then find a shelter with a shower. Absolutely disturbing.

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Disruptive, having to do that kind of thing. This is working. Time is money.

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And my storage, I'll just pause some stuff from storage. Again, time is money, and basically

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everything I have is an asset, not meaningless, or useless.

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So, hopefully this can be edited by AI. That would be a game changer.

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And I mean, just so that, you know, I'm not begging him for higher for 60 to an hour.

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I've been publicizing that for months. So, if you've guessed that,

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that's too bad. I've got two accounts on Twitter. I've got a very quiet one that tweets very rarely.

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Important things like that. I've tweeted that, and I've got an OISI one that tweets every day.

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I'll bunch of stuff.

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So, if you're not at least following the quiet one, I don't know what to say.

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Because that's a tool there. And you've got time to go on Twitter. So, you've got time to follow me.

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As might be said to me.

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That's the whole other topic, because I don't look into people either. So, I haven't followed anybody in a very long time.

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I don't know if I want to start, but it'd be on a case by case basis, I think.

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I know it's been six to ten plus years since I've seen a lot of people who I tried to talk to.

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Send these emails to. That's unfortunate. I could find better ways to stay in touch.

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I haven't been able to edit since I've been up here on the street and before that, okay,

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I might have dropped the ball before that.

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It's hard to say, because so much time has gone by, I don't remember.

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I could remember on a case by case basis.

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But my life circumstances, the baseline assumption is all changed so much.

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That remembering is one thing, but then mapping the context now is something different as well.

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So, yeah, I'm no I'm adding stuff as I'm trying to summarize.

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To or do not, there is no try, indeed.

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So, hopefully AI can edit this into something that covers everything. I'd be interested to see that.

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So, thanks for

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you. See here come people at the very end.

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Thanks for listening.